The start of ardent

Having, expressive of, or characterized by intense feeling; passionate; fervent: an ardent vow; Ardent love. Intensely devoted, eager, or enthusiastic; zealous: vehement; fierce:burning, fiery, or hot!

Ok so this heart isn't ardent yet, but I want it to be. I feel like somewhere along the way of rushing to get married, working for the man, and having a baby- I think I lost myself. Maybe it's vain to say but at one point I had an ardent heart. I wanted to live 100% for Jesus no matter how crazy I was perceived... I got even more fired up when I heard that people where talking crap about me and my 'Jesus freak' ways. But more importantly there was a light. A light that only God could produce residing inside of me. And it was obvious.

Not to say that I don't have the holy spirit inside of me now- I do, and will always. But my light has gone out. The fire is gone and it seems no one has been home for quite some time. I'll be the first to admit that I have been depressed and oblivious to everything going on around me. I put work first, TV, fun with friends, frivolous spending- and the most obvious- food, in front of everything.

These things took over my life and heart. I stopped caring about the people who meant most to me. I thought they still were important but I was oblivious. I thought God was still #1 but I was oblivious. Actions speak louder then thoughts and words and my actions were saying, 'I wanna live my life' and 'It's all about having fun and having things!'

AAAAHHHHHHHHH! WAKE UP! So I'm dreaming and I'm trying to wake myself up....